schepab

So I am trying not to weigh myself everyday, its going to be at the end of everyweek…Sundays…so its sunday today…2 pounds!! It doesnt sound like much and at at first I was like….thats it 2 pounds….booo…..BUT its loosing which means Im doing something right, so Im extremly happy about it. And I must admit its only been…well not even a week..and I can already hear my body wanting junk food..lol I went to dinner with a friend last night and ate mexican. First off, no cheese dip which was a big deal for me and then I didnt stuff myself with chips and dip and then a quesadilla with steak, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, which I gave myself a little becuase I have been doing pretty well so far…baby steps…

ok so I feel like such a dork when I sit here and say its only been 4 days of no talking to Damien. Last night was a bad night, my cousin called me–in which we are around the same age but were close but were not close if that makes any sense. Anyways he calls me and I explain to him that I have forgiven Damien that I am trying to move on with my life and better myself and I would appreciate it if he wouldnt bring up the past anymore…and all he says to me is…”how can you forget about the past, your going to let someone cheat on you and get away with it”…… My cousin doesnt know about the struggles I have had with my ex boyfriend, he doesnt know about my struggles with my weight, and when I tell him I would just appreciate it if he would not bring it up and I have to try to forgive and thats what Im trying to do he keeps saying it…

So this is what scares me. I finally get off the phone because I couldnt deal with him, and I told him the only thing we share is our last name, because that is truly how I feel. You cant tell me how to feel or even give me advice if you don tknow what I have been through, and he obviously doesnt completely understand because hes telling me my ex has nothing to do with it, which as I have explained I know it does…SO I was up really later and early this morning because I couldnt seem to get the conversation out of my head, and Im thinking to myself can I do this…can I forgive him…I love him, and he has changed over the past few months but is it real? Is this the right thing to do….? Damien has been good to me lately but I still find myself at certain times wondering in my head if I…Abigale can move past things and truly trust him. I know the two weeks was a good thing, but now Im thinking to myself maybe I need longer than 2 weeks..because I do feel lost…I felt good about the situation but now im feeling even more confused than before. Maybe its just because my insecurities are slowly trying to creep back and part of my problem is Im allowing them time in the spot light…I just wish they would go away for good….