schepab

So Im sure everyone is just on the edge of their seats wondering what has been going on! lol….just kidding..:)

It has been super busy the past 2 days with working and then just trying to get everything settled in my life, but mainly work has taken a lot of my energy. Golf camp from 8-12, then working from 2-close has been alot, and along with that babysitting my firends dog, in which has allowed me to have no sleep the past 2 nights. I realized for sure that I am a large dog person..lol I cant deal with something sleeping in my crotch and constantly following me…its just too much…lol its driving me crazy…then of course the deal with Damien has just been alot but everything has calmed down….Thankfully…

I loved the comment in my recent posts ” Hes just not that into you..” by the way I have read that book…and of course I appreciate all the comments and insights it has been wonderful, but unfortunately I just cannot believe that…If Damien and I had been together for maybe a few months that would be one thing..but we have been together for over a year and half, and unfortuantely we have gone through good and bad times…and even I myself cannot understand why certain things happen or how to deal with them. I have been so consumed with trying to make my relationship “perfect” that I didnt pay attention to myself and realize what was truly there. For one thing, I needed to work on myself, and now that I have slowly but surely realized that, each day I realize how important it is to me. Secondly, I really have needed to trust myself, in order to trust the people around me and who i deeply care for…

So to let everyone know, if anyone is interested, what ended up taking place this past Monday, when shit hit the fan with Damien as i expressed, and had no clue what to do with myself…lol well things ended up turning out better/ more than what I expected. First off my family, went to his Aunt’s concert on Monday evening, which they said was absolutely wonderful and they had such a great time which made me very happy to hear especially since I couldnt be there…but I got a phone call that night, actually Damien called me 3 times because I didnt want to answer it becaue I want to make sure that I went through with the rest of our break…but he called to tell me about the concert and how thankful he was that my family was there and how everyone had such a wonderful time, but then he said to me that he wants to graduate on time and needs to make sure that he does well so he can have everything taken care of because he wants to ask me to marry him, and he wants to be able to have things taken care of. He told me it really upsets him that i even question that he wants to be with somebody else and the fact that the break was suppose to be for him studying and he needed this time for that alone. He told me he just really wants me to trust him.

It really meant alot to me that he called, especially  with what happened earlier and all that was said, and it made me realize that I am beginning to understand our tendencies a whole lot more…when we are stressed and mad, we say things we dont mean…and I wish I didnt do that as much as I have, but the truth is I do…and he does too…

I just wish the 2 weeks would come…lol I havent heard from him since that phone call, but I know that this is what he needs.

as far as my dieting..ive decided to weigh myself every week…so every saturday…the numbers seem to consume me and I want to loose it so badly….I feel like I havent lost any though, i mean ive been eating alright but i just want this ugly weight to go away….hope everydays day has been super!