Today is a day for remembering, peace, and love.
So today marks the day, its been 5 years since my cousin Katelyn passed away.I cant believe it..it feels like 10 years. She was 11 and has had leukemia since she was a baby. It is a big deal for me to be able to talk about this in public because over the past few weeks I realized there are a few things that I havent been able to get out from my past. I realized I havent been able to get over her death. I know she is in a much better place, and she is no longer in pain, and I feel selfish for missing her and not being able to see or hear her voice. It is just a day for me to remember how much she meant to me, and how much strength she brings to my life. I love you kikki SO much.
Its been hard today, because with not talking to Damien has really gotten to me today. I feel like I need him. I mean I know I am going to be ok, which makes me happy but still it just makes me think about the break. He told my sister that him and I just talk alot and he really needs to get his studying done. I just want him to trust and be able to know taht I want him to succeed…therres alot to say, but honestly I dont really know what to say right now. maybe I will have more words later on. Hope everyone is having a great day as always!
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I am not sure that we ever get “over” the death of a loved one. We just seem to learn to deal a little more easily and remember that there is hope of meeting with them again someday. I lost a cousin at 10 years old to a rare stomach cancer, so I can relate. I was never super close to him growing up (distance was the issue), but I still get misty eyed thinking about all that my aunt went through. How she was told about 5 months earlier that things were clear, great and that he should grow into a handsome young man and have children of his own. Then, at his 3 month checkup after that, they gave him just weeks. She gave him his Christmas presents early only to have him ask her “Am I dying”. How is that explainable. I too know that he is better off. I just try to remember the childhood memories and remember that he will be there when I cross over. I will be praying for you this evening.
As for the relationship issues, I am not the best person in that category. I have made so many foolish mistakes in the past. I wish it was super simple to find out who we are supposed to be with and just meet, marry, have a family and live happily ever after. Mine hasn’t been that easy. I am married to a great man of 15 years and have 3 beautiful children. I just live with alot of guilt on how I have treated people before him and even him from time to time. Things we have to ask others to forgive us for and get on with things.
I hope your day gets better. I am here if you need someone to talk to.
Sandi